Snow boots and sweaters

Yesterday I stopped in Buffalo Bobs to look for some potential good deals on "winter wear" before the big move.  I did not find the sweaters I had in mind but I did find snow boots that were originally $230 for $39.00!!  (OH, and they were just my size!)  They also had another pair, not quite so bulky in my size for $29.00.  My lucky day or what.  Ha.  The purchase of the boots got me all side tracked from returning to work after lunch and I ended up spending the next couple hours on a mission for sweaters (at a steal of a deal price as well) and/or other Colorado-living type clothes. 

Anyway, I realized when I finally got home, with a little help from my Grandma, that I did not NEED any of my purchases (well, the boots really are necessary as I do not have shoes that would keep my feel warm in the snow...besided the point though).  My dear Grandma had written me the sweetest note, that appeared to span over the course of a few days as there were dated segments within the letter.  I must say that I have not received a letter in years, other than the typical non-personal Christmas cards and b'day cards.  Uncle H.  used to include short notes in his cards and such but it has become more difficult for him the last couple years, at 98 years young.  Grandma R's note also included a few clippings, one of a wedding announcement from the local paper that she felt would be of interests to me and another of a passage regardings appreaciating what we have and gratitude for the things we have versus always wanting more... which brings me to my point today.  How fitting that I receive this letter from my Grandma on the very day when I had essentially gone on this manic shopping spree brought on by my desire to have more.  The reality is I have plenty of sufficient clothing and scarfs and hats and such to survive the winter in Denver.  Though the boots were a necessity and a GREAT find, the rest of my purchases were extravagent and only served as an outlet for my ever growing emotional confusion for the upcoming weeks, months ... 

Take aways from my expensive, wasted day:

1. Be greatful for the things you have.
2. Express your appreciation and greatfulness, it will help to deter the feelings of wanting more.
3. Spending money may seem theraputic but IT IS NOT!! 
4. IF the need to spend money is theraputic, be conscious of the needs versus the wants and best to just buy for others, this will make you (and someone else feel better) and you're less likely to spend as much on others. 

Needless to say, after reading the clipping  I gathered the things I had purchased and am returning a large portion of my purchases!  Thank you, Grandma R.  (Also, I hope I get more letters from friends and family! I am one of those of always enjoys writing a letter and feels that is one of the most personal and intiment ways to communicate through distance, be that physical or emotional.)

 Lastly, and off topic, I unexpectedly said something pretty profound to a friend today over lunch regarding a very big life-changing decision he is wrestling with and will try to recap it here: 

         

     Just recognize when you are the only one getting in your own way (of acting/doing/deciding) and when you do that, Stop! and make yourself move forward with the decision. 

Of course I don't remember it quite as eloquently as I had at the time.

The unfamiliar versus the familiar

Tonight I am in Oxford for what is potentially my last weekend here for a very long time.  I was not even really wanting and/or needing to come this weekend for obvious reasons of needing to pack (which I have minimally done), but Dixie and I ended up piling in with Yancey and MP at the last minute and here we are.  The whole drive up all I could think was how bad I needed to be packing and how much I was NOT looking forward to the ever ensuing family drama, particularly regarding my upcoming move but more or less just the general "hum drum" that comes with all of us in the same place for any length of time.  Thank the Lord for MP, she is OUR saving Grace without a doubt :) 

Anyway, got here and just didn't feel like going to DOB, otherwise known as DOBFNPP and really just wanted to be alone.  I took Dixie for a walk and just became overwhelmed with emotion as I passed Square Books.  I, of course, have been really emotional lately just with all the stress and anxiety of moving and stuff but I also at the funeral of my best friend's mom yesterday, who had taken me under her wing, as she did with any of L's friends.  As I passed by Bottle Tree, City Grocery, Old Venice, Square Books, Neilsons, I was so overwhelmed with feelings of comfort of the known and familiar although not having lived here in three years.  I guess really it was the upcoming inevitable of the unknown.  Then I passed some new place Lenoras and another new place Angies and Roosters and all these unfamiliar places in the midst of my comfort zone and realized that what makes Oxford so comfortable now is just the memories.  Memories of undergrad and memories from law school; nine years of memories; the start of my adulthood.  I mean Oxford is where I found my own dentist, doctor, etc.  It is where I lost myself and then found myself, as the woman I am today.  I found my security, my confidence, my internal comfort.  I lived on my own bought my first Holiday decorations.  Grew up.  
I am way over thinking it, I know!  I am honestly just overwhelmed with emotions.  I am SOOOOO excited about my new move and being with MH, FINALLY!!  I know all this is stemming from being with my undergraduate friends and just feelings and memories from the past.  I can not put in to words how excited I am about all the new experiences I am going to have.  I am just overwhelmed at the moment with all of the new places and things that I will have to figure out.  I mean where will I get a great cup of coffee, and I don't mean Starbucks (I'm not a fan).  And where will I go to the Dentist, where will I find a good Vet for Dix. Haha.  I know it will work out!  I am just stressing!!!!! I am simply overwhelmed and way over thinking.  I am so beyond ready to start this adventure.  I know MH and I will make it all work and figure out all this "unkown" together.  I'm simply just venting and to be honest just maintaining some peace of mind while mom, dad, and Y go back and forth about what to put in the cooler and how much broccoli to have in the morning ;)

Thank you, Veterans.

http://www.egreetings.com/

Less than a month

Time is closing in FAST! By this time next month, I will be arriving in Denver, Colorado and probably moving into MH's place at this very hour. (Gasp!) It is such an exciting time for me and I am SO SO ready for this change to finally be a reality. I am not a big journaler, but I can't help but feel like this experience will be worth having a written record. And regardless if I ever publish this to anyone, surely the personal dialogue will be therapeutic.

I am honestly so overwhelmed at the moment even trying to collect my thoughts to put down something that in some way flows and makes sense is challenging... so I am just going to quit thinking and start typing, besides, this is for my own personal gain at the moment anyway!

Maybe I'll just type my To Do List... nope, that's not helping collect my thoughts either. Ha.

Well, first of all I have never lived more than three hours from my family much less been "away" from friends and/or family for more than 10-12 days that I can recall. Of course this move will be challenging for me in many ways. Secondly, I do not like being cold (and also do not know how to ski/snowboard...which is typically the driving force behind one moving to Colorado, right?). Thirdly, MH is only my second official boyfriend ever and for sure my longest, most real relationship. Which leads me to my fourth point, I have not lived with anyone (other than Dix) since May 2003. However, all of that being said and acknowledged by me I have not second guessed my decision to move to Colorado not one time!! So, these points are not in any way meant to convey that I am "freaking" out by any means. More than anything it is just my way of saying I am fully aware of these feelings and potential obstacles, if you will, that lay ahead. I am also very aware of the fact that just "being aware" does not make things all better and/or really mean a whole lot of anything but for me I think that being able to identify the problems in advance is half the battle- HALF the battle. The other half is making the best of the situations and allowing myself to feel the unexpected and ugly and scared and insecure emotions that are sure to come through this process. I think it will be important to not try to deny myself these emotions, but rather know in advance that I will (more likely than not) have these feelings but to also come back to my true feelings and bring myself back to the happy realities of the challenges ahead.

Well. I do not feel like getting up and wrapping wine glasses, but I do feel more collected. I am ready to get this show on the road!!