Reality

So, it has been a hard week.  And I don't just mean days where I feel fat, ugly or unmotivated.  It has been a real hard week, one with fighting on the home-front, missed job opportunities, bank account dwindling, and more bills piling up.  All in all, LIFE.  I don't mean to imply that I do not live in reality in general, because I think of myself as a very "real" person for the most part, but as the weeks and days pass by ever so fast and with no word or even glimmers of encouragement for a job on the horizon, Reality is setting in hard.  I guess I always suspected that things would get worse before they got better, to be cliche' about it all, but there was still this strong driving confident force that I could make this all work and things be better for me than before.  Isn't that how it is supposed to be after all.  Aren't you supposed to make yourself happy and follow your heart.  Are you not supposed to make whatever necessary changes to be with the one you love.  I feel like I have been true to myself throughout this entire process and I guess I thought that being true to myself would lead me to the right job.  I have explored all avenues.  I have not shut doors, but rather put myself out there for all different kinds of opportunities... I don't even get rejection letters.  I am not sure what is worse; not hearing anything at all, or receiving one rejection letter after another.  I have been on both sides, more times than just this one, and each time I'll state the contrary under the given circumstance.  Bottom line is my confidence is down.  It has just been a really hard week.  I hope next week will be better. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhNrrrCCTdA